Venting

In the past few weeks some interesting events have occurred. Some coworkers that I once considered my friends betrayed me and it really pissed me off. You think you know someone and then wham, you have a knife sticking out of your back. Basically, a few of us were planning a trip and after working through the planning meeting, I was accused of making all the decisions and being the reason no one could agree on anything. Clearly I was not at the meeting and had no say at all in what we would be doing. I refused to associate with these people until I am given an appropriate apology from them. I do not see this happening anytime soon. If they want to continue acting like children that's fine with me. I do not need this drama or stress in my life. My life is much better with out them. At one point I called these people my friends and even hung out with them outside of work. Now I can see I was wasting my time and energy working on a friendship that was not worth the time. I am not naming names for obvious reasons. You know who you are, and you know what you did. I will continue to work at the job I have always enjoyed and nothing you do or say can change that. After this post I will no longer dwell on what once was. It is pointless to live in the past. Things were said, actions were taken and we cannot take them back. I will continue to treat you as if we were never friends and only speak to you when required for work-related things. Even if I were to receive an apology, I still feel as though this is a sign we were not meant to be friends. You know the old saying; I will not be fooled twice.

Well it's June already. I can't believe the year is half over. I figured it was time for an update. So let's see, what is new in Carissa's world.
Well, for starters, I officially survived my first year of college. Woo Hoo! I enjoyed my first semester at NWACC a lot more than I did at the u of a. All of the issues I had while attending the u of a, seem to have been resolved when I transferred. The classes are considerable smaller and after the first week I could see myself having a better experience all around. While there were tough assignments and large amounts of homework, I kinda felt as if I slacked off a bit more than I would have thought. Of course I passed all my classes with nothing less than a few 'B's, but if I had put a little more effort into some things I know I could have achieved the 'A.' Another plus about NWACC was I managed to make a few acquaintences. While at the u of a, the only person I ever enteracted with was a girl that I had no interest in talking to in the first place. I've always said "I'm going to college to get an education not make friends." And I still stand by that. But I have learned that there are advantages to talking to people and being friendly. Like for instance, studying for tests or discussing homework issues. At the u of a, I never would have bothered to express my problems with anyone in my classes. The majority of my classes were tollerable and I even enjoyed one or two. I am really looking forward to my next semseter.

Since school has been over for about a month now, this means summer time and lots and lots of working. There are advantages and disadvantages to this. I am working about six days a week and have 35-40 hours each week. This is very nice for the paycheck. I enjoy my job but there are some days that I come home and just want to crash because it was such a long day. Also, there are always those few people that you just don't want to deal with everyday. Summer time is awesome. I have a break from school. I have time to make plans and do whatever I want on my days off. But, while I am spending more time at home, since I don't have school to take up the extra time, I am continually reminded why I want to move out. I am never by myself. Either my parents or brother are always here. It would be nice to just have the house to myself once in a while. I also have the naggy parents. There's always something my mom is hounding me to do: clean your room, put away your laundry, clean up your stuff in the bathroom, don't make a mess in the kitchen, where are you going, why are you doing that, etc. I'm tired of answering to them. I'm 19 1/2 years old. I'm not 5!

While reading some of my older posts I began to reflect on my new years goals. I do believe I have improved in my judgement skills. Although I still am not comfortable with the gray area, I am learning to accept this. I do believe that I am more enjoyable at work. Unless you have really pissed me off, I am generally kinder in the way I speak to the employees. There are countless times during the day when I have to bite my tongue and keep from saying something that I know will definately get me in more trouble. I am still not spending as much time as I would like with my BFFs. I think I have spent more time with the friend that is only here a few months during the year than I have with the friends that live here in town. There are a few things that have changed that were not in my original goals. Almost every Friday, a few of us girls from work go out to dinner and just have a good time with each other away from Harp's. It's nice to get out of the house and to spend time with friends. I have also recently joined the gym at work. Although I am not going as often as I had originally planned, I do think I am getting some benefit from it. Let's hope the next six months continue in the positive direction!